crookedalley

My name is Crooked Chuck Jim. Also known around the internet and in real life as Crookedalley, Crooked, AlleyScum, Alley Rat, Crookedalleyscumbag, Ometta7, Ometta6, Fatty, Fat Fuck, "That Weird Neighbor Kid Who Keeps Standing Shirtless on The Front Porch and Muttering To Himself", The God of Man, and The Bard of Insanity.

I am, as of the time of this update, twenty-four years old. Somehow, I feel like I shouldn't have survived that long, but there you have it.

I drink and do drugs as frequently as I can because it's boring as shit here. My favorite drug is weed. I also like somas. I've done many dumb things to try and catch a buzz. I've huffed gasoline and paint, I've drank cough syrup, I've taken strange pills, I even tried eating a bunch of nutmeg. I would recommend just sticking with marijuana. Cleaner, safer, and more reliable. It's cheap, too.

As far as my moral and political views go, I believe that all individuals have the right to do whatever they please with their bodies so long as they aren't hurting other people.

I believe drugs and prostitution should be decriminalized on a federal level, drugs heavily taxed and prostitutes be allowed to unionize and have their individual rights protected.

I am against strict gun control, pro welfare and other social services, against the death penalty, and for the legalization of marriage between any consenting adults(this includes polygamous and incestuous marriage as well as gay marriage). I think that we should follow Europe and Canada's example on healthcare and just let everybody have access to it.

I believe in more leniency in taxing those below the poverty line and higher taxes for the wealthy. I believe in researching alternative sources of fuel and just generally putting a lot of money in science and discovery as opposed to military power, but I also believe that a strong show of military strength is necessary.

I believe in equal rights between men and women. I do not refer to myself as a feminist or a masculist because I feel that both movements by design place one gender at a higher priority over the other, thereby perpetuating the gender divide which leads to discrimination in the first place. My views on gender equality extend to my treatment of both men and women in my daily life. If you are a woman and you do not wish for me to hit you for the same reasons that I would hit a man, then that is acceptable. Do not be surprised when I slap your ass and tell you to make me a sandwich, however.

I identify as bisexual, although I suppose my sexuality is more technically defined as pansexual. I am attracted to pretty much every set of genitalia a human can have.

I smoke menthol cigarettes and have been smoking since I was about fourteen. I keep saying I'll quit, but that's unlikely.

My appearance could be pretty well summed up as "unkempt" or "grungy" bordering on "feral". I have long hair that I rarely ever brush anymore, I don't trim my facial or body hair, I shower maybe once a week at best, my teeth haven't seen a toothbrush in the last two years, and I only clip my fingernails and toenails when they start breaking. I'm covered in oozing sores and cysts that I pick at when I'm nervous or agitated.

I'm delusional and suffer from mood swings, I'm depressed a lot of the time and a few good friends away from being suicidal. I am occasionally struck by severe paranoia and sometimes have the odd mental breakdown or two. I have been to numerous therapists, psychiatrists, psychologists, and general head-examiners since I was five years old for various problems. Nobody has given me a straight answer, and speculation has ranged from me having bipolar disorder with psychotic features, to one or more personality disorders, to falling somewhere on the autism spectrum, to just being a normal(if a bit emotional and dramatic) young man. I'll let you decide what's wrong with me.

I'm narcissistic and self-absorbed. I love talking about myself and hearing other people talking about me, whether good or bad. I also like trying to help other people with their problems. If something is bugging you or you feel like you need some help, please don't be afraid to come to me with anything you might need.


I love to draw, even though I'm not very good at it. I also like to write, which people tell me I am sort of good at, but I suffer from frequent writer's block and creative blocks in general. I often have trouble feeling motivated to draw, write, or do anything of the sort. So there will be long stretches where I don't submit anything, and then all of a sudden you might get anywhere from one drawing to a whole folder's worth of work in a single sitting showing up in your box.

I'm a Juggalo. (Yeah, I know. Just shut the hell up.) I'm also a (very) amateur horrorcore rapper going by the stage name Crooked Chuck in a group called Maniacal Crew. The group currently consists of myself, H-Manic, and a guy named Jesse or Opandaman. We sometimes shift members, however, with the core members being myself and H-Manic. Manic raps in a style reminiscent of modern gangsta rap with a few horrorcore and stoner rap influences. I am also dabbling in a rap/metal side project with death metal vocalist and guitarist Preston. The side group is called Ambrosial Ichor Drinkers. In addition to that(I need to format this better), I'm working with longtime friend Darion4488 on a concept album known as The City of Forever. It's doubtful that the album will ever be complete. Darion raps under the stage name Duke Samedi.


I am a fat ginger with blue eyes and freckles. My eyes and the shape of my face are probably the only things that keep me from looking hideous. In fact, if I took better care of my appearance, I'm pretty sure I would look like a very pretty man(or a pretty girl if I did my hair up and dressed in drag).

I'm getting bored, and I'm running out of shit to say, so I'ma stop for a while. If anything else comes to me, I'll add it. If you want to know anything special like my secret fetishes or how I wipe my ass, feel free to leave a comment. I'm just a regular asshole like any of you, and I just want to do my thing and let you do your thing, and if our things touch...well, we'll see where it goes from there, m'kay?

Have a nice day.